How to Use Therapy to Overcome People-Pleasing Issues: Benefits and Approaches

What Are People-Pleasing Issues?

People-pleasing refers to a behavioural pattern in which individuals prioritise the needs and wants of others over their own, often at the expense of their well-being. People-pleasers fear rejection or conflict and may struggle to assert their boundaries. This often results in stress, resentment, and a lack of self-fulfillment.

It's important to understand that people-pleasing is not simply being kind or helpful; it's a pattern of behaviour where the person goes out of their way to meet the expectations of others to avoid discomfort. This can have a significant impact on both personal and professional relationships, leading to burnout and emotional distress.

The Extent of People-Pleasing Issues Worldwide

Studies show that people-pleasing behaviours are prevalent across various demographics, with research suggesting that approximately 1 in 5 individuals may exhibit people-pleasing tendencies. While it's common for people-pleasing to emerge in childhood, it can continue into adulthood, affecting relationships and mental health. Left unaddressed, it can contribute to anxiety, depression, and a constant feeling of being overwhelmed.

Telltale Signs of People-Pleasing Issues

People-pleasing behaviours can often go unnoticed, especially by those who engage in them. However, there are key signs that someone may be struggling with this issue:

Difficulty Saying 'No': People-pleasers often struggle to decline requests from others, even when they feel overwhelmed or unable to help. They fear disappointing others or causing conflict.
Prioritising Others' Needs Over Their Own: They may consistently put the needs and desires of others before their own, neglecting self-care and personal goals in the process.
Fear of Rejection or Conflict: A constant worry about being disliked or rejected leads people-pleasers to go to great lengths to avoid conflict, even if it means sacrificing their own happiness or values.
Over-Apologising: People with people-pleasing tendencies often apologise excessively, even for things they aren’t responsible for. This stems from a desire to avoid confrontation or appearing unkind.
Low Self-Worth: They may base their self-esteem on others' opinions, constantly seeking approval or validation, and feeling unworthy without it.
Burnout and Exhaustion: Due to constantly meeting others’ demands, people-pleasers often feel drained and may experience physical or emotional burnout from overextending themselves.
Avoiding Disappointment: People-pleasers may go to great lengths to avoid the possibility of disappointing others, even at the expense of their own well-being.
Difficulty Asserting Boundaries: Setting healthy boundaries feels uncomfortable or impossible for them, which can lead to resentment or feelings of being taken advantage of.
Feeling Resentful: Although people-pleasers may do everything to make others happy, they often feel unappreciated or resentful when their own needs are ignored.

When Should Someone Seek Therapy for People-Pleasing Issues?

If any of the above signs resonate, it may be time to consider speaking to a therapist. Specifically, therapy can help if:

It’s Impacting Relationships: If people-pleasing behaviour is causing strain or misunderstandings in personal or professional relationships, a therapist can help address the underlying patterns.
It’s Leading to Anxiety or Depression: Constantly worrying about pleasing others and fearing rejection can lead to anxiety or feelings of sadness. Therapy can help manage these emotions and build healthier coping strategies.
Burnout or Physical Symptoms: Experiencing physical exhaustion, stress-related illnesses, or emotional burnout from always saying "yes" can indicate that the behaviour is becoming unmanageable.
Lack of Self-Worth: If you struggle with low self-esteem or rely heavily on external validation, a therapist can help you cultivate self-acceptance and learn to assert your own needs.
Difficulty With Boundaries: If you find it hard to set boundaries and feel taken advantage of, therapy can provide tools to establish and maintain healthy limits with others.

Seeking therapy can provide a safe, supportive environment to explore the reasons behind people-pleasing behaviour and develop strategies to build healthier, more balanced relationships with others and oneself.

Why Use Therapy to Address People-Pleasing?

Therapy can be an effective solution for overcoming people-pleasing behaviour. By working with a therapist, individuals can learn to set healthy boundaries, improve self-esteem, and reclaim their sense of self. Therapy offers a supportive space to explore the underlying causes of people-pleasing, which may stem from childhood experiences, fear of rejection, or social conditioning.

The benefits of working with a therapist to tackle people-pleasing include:

Building Confidence: Therapy helps individuals recognise their worth, fostering the confidence to assert their needs.
Improved Boundaries: A therapist can help people understand the importance of setting clear and healthy boundaries.
Decreased Anxiety: Addressing people-pleasing behaviours can reduce the anxiety associated with constantly trying to please others.
Better Relationships: With a clearer understanding of their needs, individuals can form more balanced and authentic relationships.

Consequences of Not Addressing People-Pleasing Behaviour

Failing to address people-pleasing issues can lead to:

Chronic Stress and Burnout: Constantly putting others' needs ahead of your own can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion.
Resentment and Frustration: Over time, people-pleasers may start feeling resentful toward those they try to please, leading to strained relationships.
Poor Self-Worth: A lack of boundaries can lead to feelings of inadequacy and a diminished sense of self-worth.
Unfulfilled Life: Continuously prioritising others’ happiness over your own can result in a lack of personal fulfilment and self-realisation.

Therapies for Overcoming People-Pleasing Behaviours

Several therapeutic approaches can be highly beneficial in helping individuals break free from people-pleasing tendencies. Below, we explore some of the most effective therapies and how they can address this issue:

1. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

CBT is one of the most commonly used therapies for addressing people-pleasing. This approach helps individuals identify and challenge negative thought patterns that contribute to their need to please others. For example, a person might believe that saying "no" will result in rejection, but CBT helps them reframe this thought and realise that setting boundaries is healthy and necessary.

2. Psychodynamic Therapy

Psychodynamic therapy focuses on uncovering unconscious patterns of behaviour that stem from early life experiences. By exploring past relationships and events, a therapist can help a person understand why they feel compelled to please others and work on changing these patterns.

3. Humanistic Therapy

Humanistic therapy focuses on personal growth and self-actualisation. This approach is beneficial for people-pleasers, as it encourages them to recognise their intrinsic worth and develop self-acceptance. It promotes self-compassion and helps clients realise that their needs are just as important as others'.

4. Person-Centered Therapy

Person-centred therapy, developed by Carl Rogers, fosters a non-judgemental and empathetic environment. This therapeutic approach encourages individuals to express their true feelings and build self-awareness, which is essential for people-pleasers who struggle to acknowledge their own needs.

5. Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT)

Mindfulness techniques help individuals become more aware of their thoughts and feelings without judgment. MBCT can be particularly effective in helping people-pleasers become aware of their tendencies to overextend themselves and allow them to develop more balanced and mindful responses to situations.

6. NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) Therapy

NLP helps individuals reprogramme limiting beliefs and behaviours. In the context of people-pleasing, NLP can assist by challenging automatic responses, such as immediately agreeing to others' requests, and replacing them with healthier patterns of communication and boundary-setting.

7. Solution-Focused Therapy

Solution-focused therapy is goal-oriented and helps individuals identify practical solutions to their people-pleasing behaviour. It encourages clients to focus on their strengths and resources to help them manage their needs and set realistic goals.

8. Transactional Analysis Therapy

Transactional analysis focuses on understanding and changing social interactions. By exploring the different "ego states" (Parent, Adult, and Child), people-pleasers can learn to engage from a more balanced, adult perspective, setting healthier boundaries and learning to assert themselves.

9. Gestalt Therapy

Gestalt therapy is centred around the here-and-now. It encourages individuals to become more aware of their feelings and reactions in real time, which helps people-pleasers recognise when they are prioritising others over themselves. It also promotes responsibility for one’s own choices and actions.

10. Art Therapy

Art therapy can be a helpful tool for people-pleasers who find it difficult to express their emotions verbally. Creative expression through art can help individuals identify underlying emotional conflicts and process feelings they may otherwise suppress.

What Therapies May Not Be Suitable for People-Pleasing Issues?

While many therapies can be beneficial for people-pleasing, some approaches may not be as directly effective:

Behavioural Therapy: While behavioural techniques can be useful in reinforcing new habits, it may not address the deeper emotional or psychological causes behind people-pleasing.
Hypnotherapy: Although hypnosis can help address certain behaviours, it may not be sufficient alone for deep-rooted issues like those stemming from childhood experiences or trauma.
Psychoanalytic Therapy: While it can offer insights into unconscious patterns, psychoanalysis may take longer to yield results and may not be as practical for those looking for actionable strategies to set boundaries.

How to Choose the Right Therapist for People-Pleasing Issues on BookMe

Dealing with people-pleasing tendencies can be challenging, but finding the right therapist can make all the difference. Here's a step-by-step guide to help you navigate the BookMe platform and choose the ideal therapist to help you manage and overcome people-pleasing behaviours.

Step 1: Start with the Search Filters

Begin by heading to the BookMe therapy search page. To find therapists who specialise in people-pleasing issues, use the “Treatments” filter and select “People Pleasing Issues”. This will narrow down your search to therapists who have the expertise in addressing the challenges you’re facing.

Step 2: Explore Therapist Specialisations

Once you’ve selected “People Pleasing Issues”, use the “Specialisations” filter to refine your search further. BookMe offers a variety of specialisations, from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) to Person-Centred Therapy, allowing you to find the most suitable approach for your needs. This filter will help you choose therapists based on the therapy style that resonates with you the most.

Step 3: Review Therapist Profiles

Each therapist on the BookMe platform has a detailed profile, including a video introduction. This allows you to hear directly from the therapist about their philosophy and approach to therapy. Watch these videos to understand the methodologies they use and assess if their approach aligns with your needs.

In addition to the video, each profile includes a bio, outlining the therapist’s experience, qualifications, and background. This gives you insight into their expertise and helps you gauge whether they have the right knowledge and experience to support you with people-pleasing behaviours.

Step 4: Shortlist Your Top Choices

As you explore therapists on the platform, shortlist those who stand out to you. Remember, you can compare different profiles, watch multiple videos, and check the bios to find the therapists who resonate with you the most. BookMe recommends speaking to at least three therapists before making your final choice. This will help you find the therapist who feels like the best fit for your personality and specific needs.

Step 5: Read Reviews and Ratings

To get a sense of the therapist’s effectiveness and how other clients have experienced their services, take the time to read reviews from previous clients. These reviews offer valuable insights into the therapist’s approach, communication style, and how they’ve helped others with similar issues.

Step 6: Check Credentials and Certification

Every therapist on the BookMe platform is certified and licensed. This ensures that the professionals you are considering are highly qualified and adhere to the necessary industry standards. It’s important to feel confident that the therapist you choose has the expertise to guide you through addressing people-pleasing issues in a supportive and ethical manner.

Step 7: Schedule a Consultation

Once you’ve narrowed down your options, schedule a consultation with your top choices. This initial meeting is a great way to get a feel for the therapist’s approach and how comfortable you feel working with them. It’s an opportunity to discuss your goals, challenges, and expectations.

Step 8: Make Your Decision

After your consultations, reflect on how each therapist made you feel. Consider their approach, their expertise, and how confident you are that they can help you address your people-pleasing tendencies. Choosing a therapist who makes you feel comfortable, understood, and supported is essential for making meaningful progress.

Conclusion

People-pleasing can significantly impact mental health and well-being, but with the right therapy, individuals can learn to assert their boundaries and prioritise their own needs. Therapy can help people-pleasers identify the root causes of their behaviour, replace unhelpful patterns with healthier ones, and ultimately improve their relationships and self-esteem.

Whether you opt for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Person-Centered Therapy, or another approach, finding the right therapist can help you break free from the cycle of people-pleasing and live a more authentic, balanced life.Choosing the right therapist to deal with people-pleasing issues is an important step towards building healthier relationships and improving your well-being. By following this guide, you can confidently navigate the BookMe platform, find a certified and experienced therapist, and take the first steps towards overcoming people-pleasing behaviours. Remember, therapy is a personal journey, and finding the right fit is key to achieving lasting change.